The Tides Of Change

This posting is my 20th on this blog. This Tuesday is my 17th birthday. This has been a great day.

My mind is a wanderer, in a world made of dreams. I let it wander, because only when left free can it experience the greatest possible plethora of emotions, ideas, and experiences. In two days, I will have wandered, coasted, been forced into climbing, and fallen down for seventeen years, and this is important to me. I have grown and changed a lot, and I can see this, which says something important. I may not be mature, but I'm getting closer. I may not be perfect, but I'm getting there. I may not be a good person, but as much as I hate to say it, I'm getting there.

Today may not be the pivotal day of change, but since when does life work out in a symmetrical and convenient way? Never. At least not for me. So today, I'm writing about me, and my philosophy.

Me: I am an artist. This means, not that I have any skill, but that I have the vision necessary to create works of literature and visual art, maybe even music. I'm not perfect, in any way. I don't think I'm beautiful, or kind, or free of guilt. I also don't have very high self-esteem either, but that's all okay. I'm a continuously growing entity, like everyone else, the product of my own mind and the world around me. Someday, I want to be better at what I do and feel better about myself, and as of this moment, I have faith in the fact that this will come to pass.

The Philosophy: I like to call my philosophy the Inkblot, as it incorporates many elements of this device. The general idea is that anything in the world can be understood in an infinite number of ways, and none of them are definitively the right way. Also, these interpretations allow an observer to understand the interpreter based on what he sees. Another idea is that since an inkblot is almost inherently random, there can be no process for understanding and dealing with them other than to take them as they come. From this concept comes my method of handling life, by observing and making individual decisions. My morals should be mutable, as well as my intentions, so long as what I do is sensible based on the information I have. in this way, I can live with no regrets.

The final note of the day goes out to my friends, few though they are.

To Raelifin, I would send thanks and goodwill, for being an altruistic and genuinely good person to the point of a fault. I sincerely hope life doesn't tear us apart as it has to so many others.

To Xathan, I want to thank for helping me cope with the world and all it's unpleasant truths. I dreamed of a day when we could have a game shop, and now I fear that may never be. However, you let me dream, and that's something of immeasurable value.

To NastyNate, I would thank for crushing my dreams. Someone had to do it, and you did it before they could. You're my hero for doing whatever the hell you feel like, and just not giving a shit about anything. If anything, you are a classhole, and I appreciate that.

Cameron gets the honor of being the one person who I wanted to be more than anyone else. You showed me an ideal, and then taught me to be myself. I want to thank you for putting up with me all of the years I bothered you, and for still acknowledging my existence after everything. Thank you.


Finally, we come to Elven Doritos. You and I have had a fickle relationship, filled with verbal abuse, intense competition, and a grudging respect under it all. Recently, issues have arisen that I am willing to share in the responsibility for. However, I want my friend back. You are the voice of reason, even if the reason is humorous.

That's all folks, goodnight.

~ T